Comments on: A New Illness – Anal Glaucoma http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/ Ripping up the rule book whilst drinking a smooth pint of reality. Wed, 28 Jul 2010 10:43:41 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Donald http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/comment-page-1/#comment-64799 Donald Mon, 03 May 2010 14:10:05 +0000 http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/#comment-64799 Hi Dan, Nice one. Need to keep the humour page updated so here are a couple for you and your subscribers. Why .....do Tesco's make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Why .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Why ....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Why ......do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Why . .......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.. EVER WONDER .... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Why? Good question. THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.' Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked. They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your ass, didn't it?' He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. Stupid, stupid man. Hi Dan,

Nice one. Need to keep the humour page updated so here are a couple for you and your subscribers.

Why …..do Tesco’s make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Why …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Why ….do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why ……do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Why . …….do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering..

EVER WONDER ….

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why? Good question.

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.. Instead of characteristically
telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.’
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. ‘How long will
this take?’ I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,’ my husband replies. I
stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?’ Without
missing a beat he says, ‘Worked for your ass, didn’t it?’

He’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man.

]]> By: Marc http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/comment-page-1/#comment-6338 Marc Tue, 15 Jan 2008 01:41:25 +0000 http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/#comment-6338 Thank you first laugh of the day! good joke, I wen to the doctors and showed it to him an he had a good laugh to. thank you again. Mark Thank you first laugh of the day! good joke, I wen to the doctors and showed it to him an he had a good laugh to. thank you again. Mark

]]> By: John Collins http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/comment-page-1/#comment-5338 John Collins Wed, 12 Dec 2007 04:49:03 +0000 http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/#comment-5338 Hi Dan - Thanks! I have glaucoma and have a special appreciation for this joke. This is the only one I've come across with glaucoma in it. This was the first time I laughed today. Thanks again I needed that - John Hi Dan –

Thanks! I have glaucoma and have a special appreciation for this joke. This is the only one I’ve come across with glaucoma in it. This was the first time I laughed today.

Thanks again I needed that – John

]]> By: Randy Smith http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/comment-page-1/#comment-5309 Randy Smith Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:02:02 +0000 http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/#comment-5309 LOL --- I actually had that sent to me by Pat Graham, I think She was feeling sorry for me when I had last weekend off due to "Winter Vomit" or winter sickness - or whatever they want to call the horrible 48 hour bug that seems to be going round! It came with a lovely picture of a bug looking none too well.... hehe I've printed it and kept it to use as my sick note next time I want to take a day away from my pc...lol Randy http://www.RandolfSmith.com LOL — I actually had that sent to me by Pat Graham,

I think She was feeling sorry for me when I had last weekend off due to “Winter Vomit” or winter sickness – or whatever they want to call the horrible 48 hour bug that seems to be going round!

It came with a lovely picture of a bug looking none too well…. hehe

I’ve printed it and kept it to use as my sick note next time I want to take a day away from my pc…lol

Randy
http://www.RandolfSmith.com

]]> By: Derek Chambers http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/comment-page-1/#comment-5287 Derek Chambers Sun, 09 Dec 2007 11:18:04 +0000 http://www.elpassoblog.com/a-new-illness-anal-glaucoma/#comment-5287 Hi Dan very amusing, hope to see some more jokes and humour in your blogs to brighten up a wet and windy day Derek —————————– Home Business Review - Earn Money from Offline and Online Enterprises Visit: http://www.moneymasteronline.com Hi Dan

very amusing, hope to see some more jokes and humour in your blogs to brighten up a wet and windy day

Derek
—————————–
Home Business Review – Earn Money from Offline and Online Enterprises
Visit: http://www.moneymasteronline.com

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